Live Light Yoga & Wellness

When I get lonely these days, I think: so BE LONELY. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never use another persons body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings – Elizabeth Gilbert.

I love so many things about this quote, as this has quite possibly been one of my biggest learnings in life. CHOOSING to sit in the LONELINESS to the point where the fear, the monkey mind and the little gremlins inside you arise. They cause havoc with their negative thought patterns and their old emotional wounds…but then something special happens when we sit with that. A RELEASE HAPPENS, TRANSFORMATION.

We must be able to FEEL in order the HEAL.

AVOIDANCE is one of the biggest addictions I believe, because avoidance IS the catalyst for addiction to substances such as food, alcohol, sex, drugs, toxic people, etc. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape. So why do we avoid sitting alone? I mean REALLY alone, without TV, without our phone.  Just time with you and your mind to simply BE. For me, it was fear of feeling! I had numbed myself out for so long in order to cope that I was worried I might have a break down if I allowed my mind to comprehend my painful memories.

Lets rewind a few years back to when I was 25, I was at an age where society deemed me as the perfect age to start to settle down and find my “future husband”. This became something that I searched for, for all the wrong reasons. I was happy in life, however I wasn’t fulfilled and I believed that finding my “future husband” was the missing link. I wasn’t fulfilled because I hadn’t dealt with a lot of negative thought patterns from my childhood, I didn’t know what my passions were, I didn’t have a loving relationship with my father, and because of this I DIDN’T LOVE MYSELF. I was the perfect recipe for attracting the wrong relationship…and that I did. How could I expect someone to love and respect me when I didn’t love and respect myself. Why did I attract this conditional love? Because this was the love I was used to from a father figure in my life and come to think it about it ALOT of men that came before this relationship. Do I blame my father for this? NO he wasn’t shown unconditional love as a child, so how was he to know how to show unconditional love to his children?

Instead of playing the blame game here I decided to TAKE CONTROL of MY LIFE  because that was something I could INFLUENCE AND CHANGE, rather than trying to influence and change others behaviour towards me.

I turned to many different healing modalities including Hahnemann Healing (I am now a trained practitioner), guided meditations to release negative thought patterns and emotional blockages, reiki and yoga. It wasn’t an easy process, but the hard work and persistence has paid off and my life has transformed on all levels. I have had 2.5 years of LONELINESS, some parts hurt like hell but most of all I STARTED TO ENJOY IT and now I LOVE IT. When I say loneliness it wasn’t like I sat under a tree like Buddha until I reached enlightenment, but rather than reaching out for friends constantly I sat with the uncomfortable feelings and didn’t run away from them. I would then reward myself and jump on the mat or meditate and 9 times out of 10 I came off that mat feeling incredible.

GUESS WHAT??? I know what my passions are, I have the best relationship with myself and love myself warts and all (this takes ongoing work), I love living on my own, I mended my relationship with my father through deep meditation work and the practice of unconditional love with him before he passed away, and I have recently met the most beautiful man who I LOVE on a level I have never experienced before. It’s the relationship I had only dreamed about but thought I could never have. It’s a love that comes from deep in my heart, not deep in the pit of my stomach. It’s not a toxic infatuation, it’s a calm soul connection that gives me tingles and warmth throughout my body just being present in his energy. But most importantly it’s UNCONDITIONAL, and I don’t rely on him as my source of happiness. I am SO incredibly happy on my own and he just makes all of those amazing things that I love doing even better, and gives me someone to share them with.

We all have access to this if we do the HARD WORK, the healing and find COMFORT in the discomfort while we transform. If you would like further information about my healing journey and any modalities, you can email me (contact details down the bottom of timetable).

Peace, Love and Bliss Hugs xox